Parties, Doctors and More!

We had a little interuption in our life recently and now that we are settled into a new routine, I can finally post my pictures. March was birthday month for us-we had 4-my dad, Isabella, Elijah and Elsie. We basically celebrate birthdays 3 times a year. January is Caity, William and Nathaniel and then in March and then again in May when we have mine, my mother's, my sister's and mother's day. Jonathan is the oddball in September and now we have Adam's in June. Well, I wanted to do something creative instead of buying a cake. I attempted to make Dora and Diego since the kids are obsessed with them.

I guess they turned out OK-Dora looks orange but I made the mistake of using butter icing which is yellow and changed all of my colors...oh well, I will probably attempt that again. As you can tell, the kids enjoyed them no matter what they looked like=)


As for doctors, I hate going to the doctor. Which is strange coming from someone who was so close to being one. It seems like every time I go I come home with a stack of referrels. Elsie, Elijah and Isabella all had checkups this week. Elsie is doing great-she is my healthy child. Poor Elijah...stuck with enough illness for both of them. Now the doctor thinks he has a speech delay...so he is going to be evaluated by ST. I hate that after his surgeries, now he has to go to speech and may be referred to someone to evaluate why he gets sick so much. He is still having recurrent sinus infections and diarrhea even after getting his tubes and nobody knows why. Otherwise Elijah is growing well. Isabella was seen by occupational therapy and now has been referred to Physiatry and a feeding clinic to see if THEY can find out why she has not been growing. She weighed the same at her chekup as she weighed at last years visit (she has actually gained about 900 grams) in the last year but that is not picked up by the pediatrician's scale since she is weighed on a different scale each time. Her other doctor counts every gram as a gain=) In addition to seeing more doctors she now has to have surgery to repair her hernia. I guess when you have this many kids it is always something. Fortunately nothing serious so far.

Well, Adam has been with us now for 4 weeks. I really did want to put pictures up, but realized that this was not the place for me to post his picture so I took them down. I would hate to be the parent and have someone find out my child was in foster care because they stumbled upon my site by accident. It has been great to have him here. He is a pretty laid back child but much like an infant trapped in a toddlers body. He is extremely clumsy (with the scrapes and bruises to prove it) and he spends most of his time exploring and getting into things (just when Elijah and Elsie were getting out of that stage). I spend a lot of time putting out "Adam fires" like when he pulled a gallon size bowl of warm soapy water I was using to clean up with off the counter and on to his head. Needless to say I did not have to give him a bath or mop my kitchen floor that day =)

He has learned quite a bit in his short stay...things that most children learn as infants...how to sleep through the night, that the stove is hot and will burn (fortunately only a minor burn), the art of coloring (on paper), and other necessary lessons. He is learning the boundaries and trying to fit in. I am sure he will start standing up for himself soon, especially with Elijah and Elsie who find pleasure in taking his toys away.

He is essentially a wounded child...we do not know from what, but we hope to help him heal in the time he is with us. Those of you who have no experience with children who are what I call "wounded" can not imagine what I mean. There is something very basic that children learn in the first few months of life...it is simply called trust. Most of us with children take it for granted and do not really think about it, it just happens. When a child lives with parents who are consistantly responsive to their needs, the trust develops normally. In children who do not have what they need (or at least not consistantly) in the first few months, that trust does not develop properly. From that time on the child is wounded and although it is usually possible to repair, it is difficult. This is not something that only happens to kids in foster care, it can happen for many reasons to many types of families. A child does not have to be abused or neglected or abandoned to have these problems. I do not believe most people set out to do these things to their children, they just happen. Most of the time it is just from not knowing what to do or being to young or having crappy circumstances or feeling overwhelmed or lots of other reasons.

Trust is what all subsequent development stems from. If the trust is broken, normal emotional and social development will not occur. These children are often seen as "good or easy" because they have learned NOT to rely on others for things. They have never developed trust. Obviously some children who never develop trust of caregivers will lash out or have severe problems, but these children are usually identified. It is the "good" children who may suffer long term problems because no one thinks anything is wrong with them. They are just seen as independent and laid back. We deal with many attachment issues in our family, things that the outside world never sees or would never see as unusual and may have life long consequences for these children unless they are repaired.

This is a big part of what foster parents do. We try to rebuild trust with these children. And no matter how old they are, you always have to start from the beginning. It is hard when the child is 4 years old and never learned trust. Now you have a 4 year old baby-because treating them like a baby (meeting their every need) is hard to do when you are looking at a 4 year old. It is a very long, frustrating process with amazing and rewarding results when it is done correctly.

He did have his first visit with mom and dad. They seem like a nice couple and I felt extremely sad for them when he cried as I handed him over to them. What made it even worse was the lack of tears when he was handed back to me. Mom and dad will get to see him for 1 hour every 2 weeks until the end of May when a plan will be made to let the parents know what needs to be done to get their son back. I hope the family can recover and be reunited. I am praying for the best outcome for everyone. This process is so difficult, not only on the child, but also on the parents, especially the parents who are sincere and truly care about their child, as I sense these parents do. Sometimes we all let life and our own needs take our focus off of what is important and have to pay the price. Unfortunately these parents are paying the price with their son. Lord, I pray that you be with the family through this time and resolution comes quickly.


BYE FOR NOW!

An update

Well, I really wanted to wait and post when I had some pictures to upload but I keep forgetting to bring my camera upstairs to the computer so I will post anyway and load some pictures later. Our foster son, Adam, has been with us ten days now. From the little info I can get from the social workers, he will be with us at minimum for a "few" weeks, which means...?...We got a not sent over from mon along with a schedule for how his typical day is and from all accounts it seems like mom was at least attentive and trying to raise her son the right way. It makes me really wonder why he was removed but we will probably never know. Hopefully things will get done that need to get done and he can be re-united with his family. He is a sweet boy, but much more mischiveous than he looks-he has caused many disasters around here since I am not used to a toddler who gets into everything, mine were never this bad at getting into stuff. He has a few problems but is starting to open up and interact with the family somewhat. I guess the next few weeks will tell us more after the court date...I will keep everyone posted. Thanks.

In for a long night

Well, it is 11:30 and there are so many things I would like to write about, but I am too on edge to do that now. Like has happened on several nights in the not so distant past we recieved a call from social services a few minutes ago asking us to assist them with a child. He is 20 months old and is on his way over to stay for who knows how long. We do not know anything about him but he appears healthy according to the doctors that are looking at him right now and he has been taken from his caregiver. He is still on a bottle (a very bad sign at almost 2 years old). We have the porta-crib out and a nice clean set of clothes. I am sure he will need a bath and probably something to eat when he gets here, otherwise who knows how the night will go. We know God has a plan and I am always excited to see how it works out. Hopefully we will all get some sleep.

It is official!!

Well, now that my blogger is back online I can re-write the post I did that got erased.

I never thought I would be able to say this so soon, but my little Isabella is
officially potty trained!! With all of her sensory problems and such a rocky start I never thought she would have come so far so quickly. She has conquered her fear of the dreaded potty...I am so proud of her. She still needs diapers at night but other than that we are DONE! I can not believe she is done right before her 3rd birthday!! We even went to church for the first time with no diaper bag...WOW how great that feels to get rid of a bag.

Although I am so proud of her it is a little sad that I only have 2 in diapers now and probably not for long. Elsie is already interested in using the potty. The only thing I have to do now is get Isabella on the big potty (she is still terrified of it)...fortunately she is a shrimp (that is why the big one looks like a giant to her, her head is right in line with the bowl) and still fits nicely on her tiny potty, but hopefully that will not last long...if we can ever get her to grow EVER.

On to the next task...=)

My little perfectionist

Well, my 5 year old William had his checkup this past week. Physically he is perfect. He is hardly ever sick. Developmentally...I guess something is just not right. I was told that he probably has some form of autism as well as sensory integration disorder!! Well, I knew something just wasn't right since he was about 2 when he did not have any language development but now that he is older the doctors can see that it may be more than that. The fact that he is deathly afraid of the bathtub, lines up his toys in matching pairs and by color and size, doesn't sleep more than 6 hours a day, can only have a conversation about television, books or legos, memorizes TV commercials, conversations and cartoon episodes, and all the other things I can not think of right now. I was hoping I would only have 1 special needs child to deal with. I am quickly increasing that number. He has his full developmental evaluation in June so I guess we will find out for sure then.

Up until now his odd behavior has been disruptive but manageable. His homeschooling has been going ok...he is highly verbal and memorizes spoken words with autographic perfection. Most of his schooling has been verbal up until now. He desperately wants to write words and do addition, which he does fine with the computer when he has to recognize things. This week we started on writing. He can write his name which took him a very long time to learn and he still writes it backwards. We started practicing how to write numbers and letters this week since he has been driving me crazy about doing math (he is obsessed with numbers...counts EVERYTHING! and he loves spanish...he is the only spanish speaking white kid on the playgrounds..=).

I do not think he is ready to write. I wrote the numbers out and had him practice. He could not do it PERFECT and it lead to a serious meltdown. I look over and he has paper strewn everywhere...he got a new sheet everytime he messed up one number and had worn down 2 erasers in a matter of minutes. I am now getting afraid of what the rest of his schooling may bring. If things are not perfect it is like the world has ended. Well...I will learn. I think alot of his education will have to focus on spoken instruction, but he will have to write at some point.

Slow and steady wins the race...isn't that what the turtle says...William like turtles...he is kind of like a turtle sometimes I guess (last one to get dressed, last one to finish eating, last one in the car, last one to get buckled), except when it comes to writing. I guess we will have to talk about turtles. I know God will help us find a way...just like he always has before.

Thank you God for giving me my extra-special son=)

Signs of life!

It has been unseasonably warm here in southeastern Virginia...72 today, 81 tomorrow!! I have been longing for spring and today when passing by the local nursery I noticed some of their white dogwoods are in BLOOM!! I am so excited. I know we will have a dreadful cold spell before spring is really here, but I am giddy about the coming warmer weather...we can actually go outside and have picnics now and grill out again. Warm weather is so much more appreciated when you have several children who get stuck staying inside in the winter and driving their mother INSANE.

There is always a catch however...with the approaching spring I have to remind myself that a Virginia summer is right behind and it can get so HOT here in the summer. With summer comes relapses of my 'illness' that are brought on by heat. This...I do not get excited about.

Oh well, spring is on the way and that is ALWAYS a good thing (as Martha would say).

Disappointment

The last several days I have been doing some surfing on the internet, looking at some homeschooling material and researching some medical information, and I have come across several websites and blogs...mostly by homeschoolers, or people with large families, religious womens sites etc...about how to be a good wife, good homemaker, good homeschooler, good mother etc. Many of them talk about being thrifty and making healthy meals from scratch and buying food from local farmers, or putting together free materials in order to homeschool or how to keep your house spottless or keep up with the laundary...tips on how to stretch a penny and the best way to discipline...oh I could go on and on.

Sometimes I feel like I am the only christian person who lets my kids watch TV and eat fast food. Between making sure my children get the BEST education I can provide, making sure they each have clothes that not only fit them but are CLEAN, and making sure that they have activities that do not involve just me and their siblings or a church group (since I do believe that children should not grow up in a bubble of christianity) I can not keep up. Between soccer, baseball, cheerleading, church activities, homeschooling, taking care of 2 toddlers, dealing with doctors appointments, therapy appoinments and anything else that happens to come up...how am I supposed to make my own bread, make 3 homeade meals a day that are portable, clip coupons, make my own cleaning products, loose weight, grow my own vegatables, scour the planet for vegetarian meal recipies, keep up with my email, raise chickens for eggs, make my own butter, wash my clothes by hand...OK so no-one has exactly told me I should make my own butter, but all the others are suggestions I have gotten or have seen made...

I just do not see how some people do what they do. Don't get me wrong...I do not think that kids should watch tv all day and eat at McDonald's every night, but sometimes TV and fast food do have a place. I do not think that technology should raise our kids and I think there are more important things than cheerleading practice.

What I am trying to say is I try to keep a balance. No my kids are probably not the healthiest kids in the world, nor are they the smartest or the most well versed in the Bible. I know for a fact there are many areas that need improvement but why do I feel like this is what christian-homeschoolers especially are pushing? Why is it important that we raise our children in a vacuum...I personally do not think it is healthy.

I think kids should have an understanding of life, the way it is lived. They should understand the in and out...how to cook, clean, sew, do laundary, how to use money, etc. I also think the should be able to use a computer and operate a telephone. They should be able to change a tire and know when a car needs gas. I think other things are cool like gardening or taking care of animals, making crafts or scrapbooking...I can not possibly teach my children everything they need to know.

I also think kids should be taught the bible, should do devotions and know how to pray and sit through a church service (once they are old enough-4 I think is a good age to start). I think they should be taught biblical morality...whatever way it should be taught.

I think kids should learn how to eat healthy. I think parents should make an effort to feed children appropriately...making sure they get fruits and veggies and protein and milk. I think it is a shame that processed unhealthy food is cheaper and lasts longer than the real thing. We use alot of processed foods I gues like hot dogs and mac and cheese and frozen pizza and then I supplement with the fresh stuff. I think it is completely impractical to think that people should buy local only because it conserves energy or buy organic because it...welll I do not know what that supposedly does. It is too EXPENSIVE! I am not going to buy tofu or some weird protein source because cows and pigs are killed the way they are. There are a lot of people in the world to feed and the way they kill animals for our needs is necessary. I do not think we should terrify our children by telling them horrible stories about where their hamburger came from. I think if people decide to be vegans or pescaterians or whatever it is fine but I do not feel like others should be scrutinized because they choose to feed their children beef of let their kids eat frozen pizza. Most of us grew up on non-organic food and hamburgers and turned out fine. YES we should eat better, yes we should support local farmers, yes we should do a lot of things, but I can not do it all. I do not have the time, energy or money. Sometimes I need to stop by McDonalds and sometimes I need something quick to fix for dinner, does that make me a bad mom?

A word about TV...I love to watch TV...at the end of a long day I like to watch my favorite show, I confess. I do not like my kids to watch TV, but I allow them some TV time. The get about 2 hours a day...most days less...some days more. They basically only watch noggin-which has actually taught my 5 year old spanish. Because it is educatoinal and there are very few commercials I let them watch it. My oldest daughter gets to watch about 2 hours of Hanna Montana a week-she loves it. They do play Vsmile and Leapster a few hours a week-if that. The rest of the time they are drawing, playing outside or playing with each other, reading books, etc.

I do not think that I am a bad mom because of any of these things. I think I am doing the best with what God has given me. I think I am teaching my children the right values and how to use their brains and talents. I enjoy spending time with them...I do not want to spend that time making my house spotless or spending all day in the kitchen cooking meals from scratch and keep them in the house like a bunch of recluses because I am afraid I will have to stop at a fast food place.

Well I guess I am done ranting for the night. When all is said and done I think I am doing a pretty good job!