I have been thinking alot today about alot of things as I do so often and I am just continually in awe of how much God has blessed my life. My family has been through so many valleys and yet God always raises us up onto level ground or sometimes even higher...to the mountaintop.
Sometimes I get discouraged about all the appointments I have or all the housework that never seems to get done or all the exercise that I need that I can not seem to fit in...but then I remember where I have been and how far I have come and it all seems worth the struggle.
There are many times during the day where I am hurt because my husband does not understand me. There are times when my pain, muscle spasms, dizziness or problem of the day seem to slow me down...but if there is one thing I have learned through these last few years struggling with a chronic illness it is how important it is to spend time with my children...not making sure they are in the latest activities, experiencing some sort of culture, having playdates with the right friends, wearing the right clothes, having the latest toys or elaborate parties, dragging them around to all the places I want to go...but really treasuring the time I have with them...touching, talking, loving them. I wish every night that the day would never end and that I could spend more time with them.
In some ways I can not express what I feel on the inside...I guess that is true JOY...I can feel it exploding inside of me but can not express it in words or action...I know it is from the Lord because there is no earthy thing that could make me feel this way.