Everyday blessings

I love bedtime in our house. Although there is usually much protesting from a few, it is a great chance for Jonathan and I to spend quality time with each child as we tuck them in, say prayers, read books, sing songs and give cuddles. I love the way God gives us the little treasures in our everyday life that remind us of how wonderful he is and how much he loves us. No matter how tough the day is or how angry, stressed or anxious I may be at the end of the day, there always seems to be some little event that fills my heart with joy. I love to when I hear that little "I love you mommy" from Elsie, have Isabella reach up and rub my hair, listen to William tell me his favorite part of the day, have Nathaniel tell me some wild story of his, watch Caity's excitement as she tells me about her new gymnastics ability, get a soft little slobbery kiss from Adam or hear Elijah say "lay down with me mommy"...my heart just melts. These things always remind me how precious life is and how much I take for granted.

Country issues...

Watching the presidential address...it makes me so sad to see the country having trouble. I can not imagine the stress of the people who work on wallstreet and the people trying to clean up this freakin' mess the government has gotten us into. Notice I say GOVERNMENT...not democrats or republicans. I think this just shows us that is both parties are at fault. I really hope we can recover quickly from this. I pray that those with all of their savings trapped up in the stocks and such are kept financially safe. Please God...help our country through this quickly and give the leaders the vision to do what is right.

On to other news...

Yesterday when I went to get Elsie up from her nap...her hand was blue!!! She had put a tiny rubberband around her wrist and couldn't get it off. She could not feel her hand anymore and when I took it off she was in severe pain=( I felt so bad for her...I do not think she will do that anymore. She is so sweet I hate to see her cry...of course she manipulates me with that and uses it to her advantage...she is SO creative!

William went to see his developmental ped today. The last time we were there he had some evaluations done so we got the results. Basically the verdict is...we are not sure. He meets the criteria for autism in some areas but not in others, so he really got no diagnosis today...which I am ok with right now. She kept mentioning the possibility for ADD, oppositional defiant disorder, attachment disorder, etc. I was given a six page report telling me the results of his testing and the findings. It gave a laundary list of "special needs" that he has and accomadations the school is supposed to make for him but NO diagnosis. How can he need so many things but not have anything wrong? I guess the take away message is to watch and wait and see what happens. The only definative diagnosis he has at this point is anxiety disorder and insomnia. They said he also probably has a receptive language delay but needs to be tested by a speech therapist...yet another thing the school is supposed to do for him. So the saga with William continues.

He has only been in public school 3 weeks and I am already frustrated. I do not know if he is going to finish out the year there. He has already picked up negative behaviors and is WAY to tired by the end of the day. He really needs to be home with me. He is already doing his addition and subtraction facts and is learning how to count in school...hmmm...I do not think he is being stimulated enough....but call me crazy!

Caity is doing well...she is moving right along with her math and has almost perfected her handspring.

The rest of the kids are doing well...Elijah is sick...again...as per his usual twice monthly illness.

I am preparing to go to Beumont Texas to do disaster relief sooo... I spent the afternoon at the urgent care because I have had this lump on the side of my neck for like 3 months and wanted to have it checked before I leave town. The doctor said it was not an infection or anything and nothing to be worried about at this point. He said I would be safe to leave town for a while...so that makes me feel better. I really wish that it was not annoying me so much and that my face did not keep going numb...but oh well. At least my dizziness has improved...especially since I have to drive to Beumont.

Reflection

I have been thinking alot today about alot of things as I do so often and I am just continually in awe of how much God has blessed my life. My family has been through so many valleys and yet God always raises us up onto level ground or sometimes even higher...to the mountaintop.

Sometimes I get discouraged about all the appointments I have or all the housework that never seems to get done or all the exercise that I need that I can not seem to fit in...but then I remember where I have been and how far I have come and it all seems worth the struggle.

There are many times during the day where I am hurt because my husband does not understand me. There are times when my pain, muscle spasms, dizziness or problem of the day seem to slow me down...but if there is one thing I have learned through these last few years struggling with a chronic illness it is how important it is to spend time with my children...not making sure they are in the latest activities, experiencing some sort of culture, having playdates with the right friends, wearing the right clothes, having the latest toys or elaborate parties, dragging them around to all the places I want to go...but really treasuring the time I have with them...touching, talking, loving them. I wish every night that the day would never end and that I could spend more time with them.

In some ways I can not express what I feel on the inside...I guess that is true JOY...I can feel it exploding inside of me but can not express it in words or action...I know it is from the Lord because there is no earthy thing that could make me feel this way.

WOW...it has been a long time

I started this blog to keep people updated and I have really dropped the ball. Oh well...it has been a LONG summer. So many things have happened, I do not even know where to start.

Me-well, same old same old I guess. Nothing major has happened. I
have had a few flares of symptoms of my "unknown illness" because of the awful heat we have been having. Currently I am having some problems with my balance and dizziness and almost got into an accident 2 days ago because i got so dizzy behind the wheel. JOnathan wont let me drive now. I am also having blurry vision in my left eye (again). I guess it is back to the eye doctor. Otherwise my multiple meds seem to be controlling my other symptoms to a tolerable level. I have finally gotten back into exercising everyday...something I have not been able to do in a while. I was hoping it would make me feel better...more energy and everything, but so far I just feel more weak and tired instead of more energized...oh well, gotta give it time I guess.

Jonathan-having some problems with his leg (for those who do not know he has a spinal cord injury and is partially paralyzed). He had his annuel exam at the VA and got a prothesis to help him keep his foot from dragging and help him not trip so much. He quit his sales job and is currently looking for something new (he wasn't making much money anyway). It has been really nice having him home during the day though. I think otherwise he has been about the same.

Caity-My beautiful butterfly...we started homeschooling in July. I have to teach her year round because she forgets too much over the summer. I think this is going to be a really good year for her. She is doing much better with her focus and controlling some of her behaviors that stem from some of her mental health issues. We have been concentrating on math since she got so behind last year because of her probable learning disability in math. It is amazing that she is spelling and reading at almost the fifth grade level and her math skills are still at between first and second grade. Our primary goal this year is to even out her skills...hopefully we can accomplish that before her next testing in May.

She is continuing with her cheerleading and has now started gymnastics as well which she is truly enjoying and is really challenging her physically (and challenging us financially). She has met some new friends and has really made some progress learning how to control her impulsivity and being a team player.

I have been trying very hard to keep her off medication for her ADD, anxiety, depression, etc. And so far we have managed. We did finally start her on some medication to help with her sleep and I think it has been very benificial. It is amazing the difference in behavior when kids get enough sleep.

William-My intelligent athlete...doing great. Still going through his developmental testing to see if he needs any interventions. He does have a sleep disorder and is being treated for that. He was being homeschooled this summer and did well. He now knows his addition and subtraction facts to 20 and phonics as well as is spelling some words. He begged me to let him go to kindergarten and ride the bus and since I am really working hard to get Caity up to speed, I told him he could go. Now its 2 weeks in and I was a little shocked when he came home and is supposed to learn the ABC song...he is so beyond that. I can not believe there are kendergarteners who do not know their ABCs. My 2 year olds know their ABCs!! So basically school is just a chance for him to work on his social skills and have some fun...which I am OK with for now...we still work on extra skills at home.

He is having a great time playing soccer again and is the star of the team although he has trouble sharing the ball. He is also doing gymnastics now and can not get enough of it. I can truly see him being a gymnast one day. He is working on perfecting his cartwheel and balance beam routine.

Nathaniel-oh...my sweet child of extremes. Health wise...he has been doing great...no more problems from that pesky lymph node. He has bad allergies and is on several meds for that...we finally got all of those symptoms under control and the doctor said that his bad allergies were probably causing all his problems. We found a good combo of meds that works for him. Behavior wise...he (and I) are having issues. He is in therapy now to help us with some of his problems. They have not given us a diagnosis yet. The doctor thought he may have bipolar disorder but I do not think so. His therapist says most likely he has ODD (oppositional defiant disorder) which is treated with behavior modification but can be very frustrating. He is a very sweet and loving boy but can be so trying at times. His therapist says his IQ is very high which could be the cause of some of his problems (too smart for his own good I guess).

I have not started schooling him yet. He is just not ready. We have been working on learning how to write his name and recognize letters but otherwise I just let him get out his energy as much as possible. He is also playing soccer again and is doing much better this year than last. He is much more confident this time and scored 4 goals in his first game. He was so proud!!

Isabella-My supreme princess. Has been doing well. She finally got to 23 pounds and was able to go off her supplements and drop back her GI and rehab visits to 2 times a year. GREAT!! We were so worried that she would end up with a Gtube. We finally had a visit where we did not have to discuss that as an option. She had a small bought of cellulitis and had hernia surgery which went great. Besides some mirilax every now and then she is on no meds. She is doing well and we are praising God for it.

She has learned her ABCs and numbers and is very interested in all things girly!! She has become quite brave physically and is doing more things with her body...I think her increased weight has finally helped her use her body more when she is playing. She is still very sensitive and screams all the time which drives me crazy!! She is desperate to take dance classes but we do not know if we can afford it right now.

Elsie-My headstrong diva. She is so beautiful and her speech is amazing but no-one knows that she can talk. She has some sort of selective mutism and only speaks at home alot of the time. Most of her sunday school teachers do not believe that she can talk. This little girl is so smart, we are going to be in trouble soon. She picks up info like a sponge. She loves to sing, dance and color beautiful pictures. She is a daredevil at play but still likes to be a girly girl. She is absoloutly obsessed with wearing dresses and fancy shoes...she always has shoes on and raids the shoe closet every morning. She even sleeps with them on!! She is already counting to 12, saying her ABCs and knows her shapes and colors. She has taken up the gymnast habits of some her older siblings and loves to do "slips (flips)" off the couch. She is healthy as a horse...definately taking after her father so she never seems to get sick. I am looking forward to watching her grow.

Elijah-The loving enforcer. He is so fun and has a great laugh. He goes around the house enforcing all the rules...lovingly at times...other times forcefully. His speech is coming along. He was supposed to have speech therapy but by the time I was able to get him an eval he was talking better so I did not get him set up for that. We have just been working on it with him at home. He has done really well following his surgeries and his ear tubes, along with allergy medicine has finally relieved alot of his ear and sinus infections and diarrhea (his allergies were even causing diarrhea-who knew=). He still gets sick alot but besides a small abcess on his foot from a boo-boo I do not think he has had any major illnesses this summer. He loves to play football, has learned to count to 3 and is just a wonderful snuggly boy who loves to give hugs and kisses.

Adam-Our little Godzilla. He is still with us and is moving toward reuniting with his parents. We call him Godzilla because he grabs everything he can get his hands on and snatches things away. Plus he is a little clumsy so he falls on top of things alot. He is a sweet boy and has made tremendous progress since his arrival. He is doing speech therapy now and can actually say some words now so he can communicate a little better with us. He is learning how to follow directions and we have been also doing a little "eating therapy"...working on using a fork, drinking from a cup, chewing food instead of swallowing whole, etc. He is doing very well physically. He is very active so he does get alot of injuries but otherwise he is very healthy. I hope when he goes back his parents really use this second chance to love a nurture this child. We do not know when he will go back...I am hoping he is home before the holidays so the family can be together. We pray that God will be with him and his family.

Well...to make a long story short...life has been pretty good these last few months. We are very busy between doctors, therapists, school, extracarricular activities, church and some other things thrown in there. I have some new pictures to post but right now I need to go to bed.

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY

For any mothers who may be reading this, I hope you had a great mother's day. Mine was pretty good. I always love the gifts that the kids make at church on mother's day and William and Caity are finally at the age where they understand about holidays and can participate on their own with gifts and cards and things...that makes it fun. I actually got a gift from my husband this year (no card, but I guess I can not get greedy). We went out on friday to eat...our family, my parents and my sister with my 2 neice's, my nephew and a friend of theirs. That was quite a meal. There were 5 adults and 11 kids (fortunately 3 were teens). I think we scared our waitress away...needless to say she avaided our table like the plague. We usually have 1 get together in May to celebrate mother's day and my mom's, my sister's and my (10th, 13th and 14th) birthdays as well as my neices and nephews (9th and april 30th) birthdays. I guess my mom did not feel like cleaning her house or having guests this year so we went out.

I think she is having a real hard time since this is her first mother's day without my brother being around (not that he was ever actually home on mother's day). He was killed 1 year ago this week and I think it has been really hard on her. Jamie (his girlfriend who is in jail for causing the accident) orchestrated an elaborate plan to have daisies delivered to her everyday from May 10th to the 17th. She got all of her relatives and friends help her and so far it has worked.

Well, so many things have happened since my last post I can not even remember. I know we survived a tornado, Isabella had surgery and I am sure other things...

I used to love summer...I would wait for its arrival all year...I used to love to spend hours sitting on the beach, baking in the sun and cooling off in the surf. Now I hate summer, I look on its return with forboding...the heat exacerbates all of my symptoms and I feel worse than ever...it steals my memory and makes me feel like I am living on a boat in rough seas. One of the reasons I write this blog is to help me remember things that happen in my life, otherwise I am terrified that I will forget everything (the good and the bad).

I will write again soon.

Parties, Doctors and More!

We had a little interuption in our life recently and now that we are settled into a new routine, I can finally post my pictures. March was birthday month for us-we had 4-my dad, Isabella, Elijah and Elsie. We basically celebrate birthdays 3 times a year. January is Caity, William and Nathaniel and then in March and then again in May when we have mine, my mother's, my sister's and mother's day. Jonathan is the oddball in September and now we have Adam's in June. Well, I wanted to do something creative instead of buying a cake. I attempted to make Dora and Diego since the kids are obsessed with them.

I guess they turned out OK-Dora looks orange but I made the mistake of using butter icing which is yellow and changed all of my colors...oh well, I will probably attempt that again. As you can tell, the kids enjoyed them no matter what they looked like=)


As for doctors, I hate going to the doctor. Which is strange coming from someone who was so close to being one. It seems like every time I go I come home with a stack of referrels. Elsie, Elijah and Isabella all had checkups this week. Elsie is doing great-she is my healthy child. Poor Elijah...stuck with enough illness for both of them. Now the doctor thinks he has a speech delay...so he is going to be evaluated by ST. I hate that after his surgeries, now he has to go to speech and may be referred to someone to evaluate why he gets sick so much. He is still having recurrent sinus infections and diarrhea even after getting his tubes and nobody knows why. Otherwise Elijah is growing well. Isabella was seen by occupational therapy and now has been referred to Physiatry and a feeding clinic to see if THEY can find out why she has not been growing. She weighed the same at her chekup as she weighed at last years visit (she has actually gained about 900 grams) in the last year but that is not picked up by the pediatrician's scale since she is weighed on a different scale each time. Her other doctor counts every gram as a gain=) In addition to seeing more doctors she now has to have surgery to repair her hernia. I guess when you have this many kids it is always something. Fortunately nothing serious so far.

Well, Adam has been with us now for 4 weeks. I really did want to put pictures up, but realized that this was not the place for me to post his picture so I took them down. I would hate to be the parent and have someone find out my child was in foster care because they stumbled upon my site by accident. It has been great to have him here. He is a pretty laid back child but much like an infant trapped in a toddlers body. He is extremely clumsy (with the scrapes and bruises to prove it) and he spends most of his time exploring and getting into things (just when Elijah and Elsie were getting out of that stage). I spend a lot of time putting out "Adam fires" like when he pulled a gallon size bowl of warm soapy water I was using to clean up with off the counter and on to his head. Needless to say I did not have to give him a bath or mop my kitchen floor that day =)

He has learned quite a bit in his short stay...things that most children learn as infants...how to sleep through the night, that the stove is hot and will burn (fortunately only a minor burn), the art of coloring (on paper), and other necessary lessons. He is learning the boundaries and trying to fit in. I am sure he will start standing up for himself soon, especially with Elijah and Elsie who find pleasure in taking his toys away.

He is essentially a wounded child...we do not know from what, but we hope to help him heal in the time he is with us. Those of you who have no experience with children who are what I call "wounded" can not imagine what I mean. There is something very basic that children learn in the first few months of life...it is simply called trust. Most of us with children take it for granted and do not really think about it, it just happens. When a child lives with parents who are consistantly responsive to their needs, the trust develops normally. In children who do not have what they need (or at least not consistantly) in the first few months, that trust does not develop properly. From that time on the child is wounded and although it is usually possible to repair, it is difficult. This is not something that only happens to kids in foster care, it can happen for many reasons to many types of families. A child does not have to be abused or neglected or abandoned to have these problems. I do not believe most people set out to do these things to their children, they just happen. Most of the time it is just from not knowing what to do or being to young or having crappy circumstances or feeling overwhelmed or lots of other reasons.

Trust is what all subsequent development stems from. If the trust is broken, normal emotional and social development will not occur. These children are often seen as "good or easy" because they have learned NOT to rely on others for things. They have never developed trust. Obviously some children who never develop trust of caregivers will lash out or have severe problems, but these children are usually identified. It is the "good" children who may suffer long term problems because no one thinks anything is wrong with them. They are just seen as independent and laid back. We deal with many attachment issues in our family, things that the outside world never sees or would never see as unusual and may have life long consequences for these children unless they are repaired.

This is a big part of what foster parents do. We try to rebuild trust with these children. And no matter how old they are, you always have to start from the beginning. It is hard when the child is 4 years old and never learned trust. Now you have a 4 year old baby-because treating them like a baby (meeting their every need) is hard to do when you are looking at a 4 year old. It is a very long, frustrating process with amazing and rewarding results when it is done correctly.

He did have his first visit with mom and dad. They seem like a nice couple and I felt extremely sad for them when he cried as I handed him over to them. What made it even worse was the lack of tears when he was handed back to me. Mom and dad will get to see him for 1 hour every 2 weeks until the end of May when a plan will be made to let the parents know what needs to be done to get their son back. I hope the family can recover and be reunited. I am praying for the best outcome for everyone. This process is so difficult, not only on the child, but also on the parents, especially the parents who are sincere and truly care about their child, as I sense these parents do. Sometimes we all let life and our own needs take our focus off of what is important and have to pay the price. Unfortunately these parents are paying the price with their son. Lord, I pray that you be with the family through this time and resolution comes quickly.


BYE FOR NOW!

An update

Well, I really wanted to wait and post when I had some pictures to upload but I keep forgetting to bring my camera upstairs to the computer so I will post anyway and load some pictures later. Our foster son, Adam, has been with us ten days now. From the little info I can get from the social workers, he will be with us at minimum for a "few" weeks, which means...?...We got a not sent over from mon along with a schedule for how his typical day is and from all accounts it seems like mom was at least attentive and trying to raise her son the right way. It makes me really wonder why he was removed but we will probably never know. Hopefully things will get done that need to get done and he can be re-united with his family. He is a sweet boy, but much more mischiveous than he looks-he has caused many disasters around here since I am not used to a toddler who gets into everything, mine were never this bad at getting into stuff. He has a few problems but is starting to open up and interact with the family somewhat. I guess the next few weeks will tell us more after the court date...I will keep everyone posted. Thanks.