a rollarcoaster ride...not the fun kind!

Wow...this last week or so has been quite an adventure. Elijah's diabetes has become a huge part of everyday life for everyone in the family. It is very easy for me to become totally consumed with controlling it and I have to daily resist the temptation to let it become an obsession. Every day is a constant battle for balance. Using insulin to bring down the highs, sugar to bring up the lows and feed the insulin if he happened to get too much. Making sure he is eating enough but not too much Being sure to constantly check on the level of his blood sugar in order to catch something before a serious complication arises.

As a mother it is very easy to let the thoughts of things that could happen become a source of serious anxiety on an hourly basis. What if he has a seizure in his sleep and I don't know about it. What if he slips into a coma while I am not around. What if I let my guard down for just a minute and I decide to not check him at the right time and I miss something. Just the thought of all of these things wears me out!!!

The last few days has been particularly difficult due to Elijah being sick and possibly entering what is called a honeymoon period in type 1 diabetes where his pancreas, having recovered from the toxic effects of sugar in the blood (it recovers because he is getting insulin from a shot) starts to produce the last remaining bits of insulin as the remainder of his pancreatic cells are destroyed. This combination causes severe hypoglycemia which is life threatening, especially at his age. The scary part is that there is no predictable time frame and he could go into diabetic ketoacidosis again without warning.

Fortunately he has gotten by with skipping a shot every now and then but it requires lots more blood sugar checks, some times as many as 1 every 15 minutes, constant monitoring for symptoms and feeding the lows with sugar which sometimes he refuses to eat.

Although this has been and will always be a struggle for him and for our family, the Lord has blessed us extravagantly and does so on a daily basis. We realize that his disease could be so much worse. Please remember to say a prayer for all of those families out there dealing with chronic diseases and children with special needs.

Thanks and God bless.

Reflection

I have been thinking alot today about alot of things as I do so often and I am just continually in awe of how much God has blessed my life. My family has been through so many valleys and yet God always raises us up onto level ground or sometimes even higher...to the mountaintop.

Sometimes I get discouraged about all the appointments I have or all the housework that never seems to get done or all the exercise that I need that I can not seem to fit in...but then I remember where I have been and how far I have come and it all seems worth the struggle.

There are many times during the day where I am hurt because my husband does not understand me. There are times when my pain, muscle spasms, dizziness or problem of the day seem to slow me down...but if there is one thing I have learned through these last few years struggling with a chronic illness it is how important it is to spend time with my children...not making sure they are in the latest activities, experiencing some sort of culture, having playdates with the right friends, wearing the right clothes, having the latest toys or elaborate parties, dragging them around to all the places I want to go...but really treasuring the time I have with them...touching, talking, loving them. I wish every night that the day would never end and that I could spend more time with them.

In some ways I can not express what I feel on the inside...I guess that is true JOY...I can feel it exploding inside of me but can not express it in words or action...I know it is from the Lord because there is no earthy thing that could make me feel this way.